2006-01-18 - 9:33 p.m.

Movies Make Me Sad

I remember, many moons ago, a time when movies were fun. I would hook up with 5 or 6 friends and we would pile into a 1960 something Land Yacht with enough money in our pockets for a pack of smokes and a movie ticket at the Cheap Theater.

Oh the carefree, irresponsible glory of choosing between Action, Comedy or Horror.(The only stoner-approved movie genres for group viewing) We heckled and cheered our way through Pulp Fiction, Terminator 2, Nightmare on Elm Street 75 - Freddy gets a Colostomy Bag, and a boatload of other assorted 90's movies.

Then we would pile back into the car, cruise around till we found a cozy little place to light up, and alternate smoking pot and cigarettes till we ran out of both. The whole time without a care in the world.

I don't think that can happen today. Movies are so stressfull and 'important'

Can you imagine a 16 year old me blissfully following the time honored formula, and walking into 'Syriana" thinking it sounded like there would probably be some cool scenery and a hot Syrian acter, and then stumbling out of the theater 2 hours later, dry mouthed, shaking, stunned and horrified at the sudden emergence of a social conscience? NO! It's BAD! VERY BAD!
What if I had gone to see Passion of the Christ.(Ok, Even I was never that stoned) What 16 year old girl can properly enjoy the most inhibition free and medically risky years of her life if she's having flashbacks of sitting next to her beloved dead granny in church? Granny is probably watching her right now. Oh God, she was probably watching that time when she had sex in the tire swing at the church playground too. No question, she's going to hell, and it will be filled with sweet little grannies trying bravely to hold back tears of disappointment.

My point is this. Even though I have been off the recreational substances for years now, I still enjoy a good, message free movie. But as I drove by the theater today the reader board looked like a giant social agenda.
I got that feeling you had when you were chosing electives in college. Choose wisely and you were looking at a nice little GPA fattener with perhaps a side of interesting content. Choose poorly and you would spend the next 4 months franticly scribbling down the insane mind vomit of an Angry Lesbian Native-American Sociologist. (yeah, that was a fun class)

Please can I please just please get some entertainment please.

And it's not just the movies. It's the actors. I used to be able to enjoy a flick with George Clooney or Mel Gibson or Mat Damon (aka mini-george clooney) or Tom Cruise in it. Now I can't watch their work without viewing it through all their personal shit. How come Actors feel no need to be professional? Just go to work, do you job and go home at night. Why the politics? Movies are not an effective or honest way to promote social change! If I think you're an ass, I don't go see your little propoganda piece, so all you are doing is delivering a very expensive sermon the the choir.

And taking up space in the theater that could be used to show something with aliens, guns and hot Syrian men that is actually entertaining.

Let me put it as simply and offensively as possible.

To all actors: Get in the kitchen. Make me a movie. No one cares about your opinions, just stand there and look pretty.

What i would kill for right now: delicious, fatty mint chocolate chip low carb ice cream.

What's in my CD player: Bill Withers' Greatest Hits

What actor do i think is hot: Steve Zahn. Please Steve continue to keep your mouth shut so I can continue to enjoy your Theater Geek Hottness.

1 people agree with me completely

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